For the last 12 years, every year around this time, Father’s Day, my thoughts almost automatically are directed to all those non-custodial dads who have no access to their children. These are the dads who want to be with their children but have been prevented access due to the actions of the children’s mother and the acquiescence – if not down right encouragement – of the legal system.
Most divorces involving children are initiated by the mothers, often for no other reason than “irreconcilable differences.” There is an economic incentive for mothers to initiate divorce, the reason being, along with the house, the car, and, in roughly 85% of the time, the children, will be given to the mother. The father will then be required to pay what is euphemistically referred to as “child support” to the mother, even though the father often requests that the children be in his care at least 50% of the time, negating the need for either parent to pay the other “child support.” Often times the amount of child support required of the non-custodial dad is far in excess of the actual needs required for raising a child and is paid to a mother who broke the life long marriage contract that courts are supposed to enforce, not encourage, their abandonment. The marriage contract is the only legally binding agreement between two parties that the legal system allows to be broken for no cause, or in legal terms, “no-fault,’ [which, de facto, is often “his-fault,”] and destroy the party who is willing to keep his part of the contract terms, and then reward the party, in the vast majority of the cases, the mother, for breaking the contract.
Putting all of the economic factors aside, the biggest crime being committed against non-custodial dads, by far, is the State not giving dads equal access to their children post divorce. Even if given “joint legal custody” the mother is, as mentioned above, granted, by the court, physical custody in 85% of the cases. The mother then often does what she can to exclude the father from the children’s lives – with the courts doing little if any thing about her actions.
If the dad fails to pay child support for what ever reasons, either because he can’t or refuses to pay for the destruction of his family, the court will often, to circumvent the laws against debtor’s prison, declare the dad in contempt of court and jail him until the money is forthcoming. The dad’s professional license can be suspended, as also his driver’s license can be, preventing a dad from earning a living. I know, as this method of extortion was used on me, twice. This was done all the while I was denied access to my two young children, by the mother, while the courts and the law enforcement agencies did nothing to her for her actions, which were in direct violation of court orders. There wasn’t even the threat of any action ever being taken to prevent her destructive behavior.
When Father’s Day rolls around every year, I can’t help but think of how many fathers there are that are the victims of what many professionals refuse to admit is a problem, parent alienation. Parent alienation is a “group of behaviors damaging to children’s mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child with either parent. These behaviors most often accompany high conflict marriages, separation or divorce.”
Parent Alienation Awareness Organization
Let’s call parent alienation by its real name – child abuse. Emotional and mental child abuse. How many hundreds of thousands of dads that would love to hear from their children, but don’t, on Father’s Day? How many children, because the mother, in a myriad of subtle and insidious ways, or even outright overt means, has turned the children against their father? With 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, and when children are involved, most of those divorces initiated by the mother, and in 85% of those cases the mother is awarded custody, my guess is the number must be in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions.
Meanwhile, the courts ignore the obvious fact that this is indeed alienation and it is caused by one parent and used as a tool against the other parent with the children being used as the means. Although the legal system will hound a dad for “child support” for the rest of his days, often ruining his life in the process, this same legal system will do absolutely nothing when it comes to the crimes of the mother.
It was the communist Lenin who is quoted as saying, “Destroy the family, destroy the nation.” The family legal systems in Western nations are doing what they can to separate fathers and their children, not allowing joint custody when the father demands it and is entitled to it, even though such an arrangement is clearly in the “best interest of the children.” Then, if that weren’t bad enough, destroying the father economically through onerous child support payments; and finally, to pour salt on the wound, not even enforcing the visitation orders when the mother undermines the father’s attempts at being with his children. All of this malfeasance is destroying one of the foundations of a nation – the family unit. With a weak family unit, the State can then impose its vine-like always creeping all encompassing tyranny much more easily upon a nation, which is what we are witnessing today in all Western nations, the UK, Canada and the US leading the way.
On Father’s Day my heart goes out to those fathers whom are victims of parent alienation, to the millions of children whose mother has turned their hearts against their dad.